Motherfaker

Rebel-in-a-smock-dress Barri Brown has spent years slaving away as an English teacher in Guernsey, covering for colleagues with kids and barely tolerating the unhygienic staffroom etiquette.

With a distant family and a husband who has just vanished along with her savings, Barri dreams of escape. Her wild plan? Pretend she’s having a baby and use the paid year off work to start over somewhere new.

And so Barri tells the school she’s pregnant, orders seven bumps on the internet and sets the wheels in motion for her great pregnancy heist.

All she has to do is blag it until she can disappear for good, without getting caught and being sent to prison for fraud. How hard could it be?